i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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