Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
