Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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