not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
