Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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