so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
