dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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