she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
