Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
