Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
