I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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