"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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