and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just cropdusted the office
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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