You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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