we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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