Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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