help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
