I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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