I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
