hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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