Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
