I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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