it was like his penis was on wheels.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
