cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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