Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
