my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
