Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
