Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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