dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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