I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
