dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
