At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
