9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize