i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
