We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Say something about gay babies.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
