my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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