OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
pop tarts are not kleenex
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you bring me the toilet please
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
