I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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