i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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