Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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