the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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