Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
