Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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