I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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