On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
