So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
