I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
