New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize