I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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