I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
