I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize