Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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