oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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