Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize