I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
