He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
