hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need water and some morals
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