taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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