goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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