oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
