If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
