You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he high fived his dick after we had sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
