News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
