Duck Duck Cougar?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
