It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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