his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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